It’s funny how the smallest of things can have the biggest impact. Certainly to our minds anyway.

When I was at university I had a friend. I can’t even remember his name now. Which makes this worse. He was really clever, now that I do remember – certainly more clever than me. But about half way through his final year, he started having issues with his mental health. It affected him so badly that he started to miss coursework deadlines and struggled with his exams.

This was all a long time ago. Back in the 1990s. We’ve come a long way since then, as at the time we didn’t really talk about it. Especially not men.

I honestly can’t remember how I behaved with him at the time. I think I did on one occasion go to his flat to check on him. I hope I was supportive but I’m not sure I was. I’ll never know because it was such a long time ago.

But I do remember one thing. Once university was over we were talking on the phone. This was the old days when the phone was in the hallway and therefore that’s where you were when having a phone call. I vaguely remember him saying how he was getting on – I’m not sure of the details but it was along the lines of the support he was getting and how he was feeling.

He then said that I should come down to see him. He lived in Gosport – funny how I remember that and not his name.

For some reason, and I have no idea what reason I could possibly have, I didn’t want to. I can’t remember what I said, or how I said it, but I think I hurt him. Sometimes when I think about that call, I hope that I was kind, I just sort of left it that I would travel to see him, but I never got around to it. But I think I secretly know that it was obvious by what I said that I didn’t want to. I think I was cruel.

It’s funny, 30 years later, and I can be having a perfectly good day, and that phone call will pop into my head. It really hurts when it does. I want to go back in time and fix it but I know I can’t. I let a friend down and there was no excuse. I wasn’t enough.

Why is this relevant. Well, Jenny gave me a wristband a few weeks ago and I loved it. It just says ‘you are enough’. It’s really simple but every time I’ve looked at it on this trip it has helped me. It’s not warmed me up, or dried my clothes, but it’s given me the warmth from knowing that she’s telling me I’m enough. It feels nice to be cared about – and that, even if things don’t go the way I think they should, I’m not a failure.

I lost that wristband this morning. And it felt worse than all the discomfort I’ve gone through on this trip. I feel really guilty that I wasn’t more careful. It was important to me. But it also triggered that phone call, where I really wasn’t enough.

I won’t go on anymore, but there are loads of examples like this. Things that come into my head for no reason, where I regret an action or decision. The one with my friend is the current subject, but sometimes it’s another. I guess that’s why my mind jumped to it when I lost the wristband.

I’ve not told Jenny I’ve lost it yet. I guess she’ll find out when she proofreads this post for me. I hope she doesn’t mind.

The thought is worse

It was really cold overnight. That, and the fact it had rained, meant that the inside and the outside of the tent was wet. Because there had been no wind, having all the vents open had not prevented the build up of condensation.

As I sat up, ready to put on my cold damp clothes from the day before, I managed to stick the inner tent to the fly. Everything was just so wet. I hoped that the forecast for the day was accurate, as I didn’t think I’d be able to handle much more rain. When it’s dry everything, tent wise, is so much easier. You don’t need to be careful making sure that dry things (like bedding) stay well away from wet items. Even taking wet clothes off is more complicated than dry ones.

So, I had to be careful to pack away my dry things, before getting my wet clothes back on. It was so cold during the interim phase of no clothes, and I was really dreading putting on cold wet clothes. But it really wasn’t so bad. The thought of it – awful. The actually doing it – not too bad. Don’t get me wrong, dry warm clothes would have been better, but I didn’t have any of them.

It probably took a couple of miles to get warm. I think the promising weather and the great views of Loch Ness helped as well. I had a good feeling about the day.

This was made even better when my Dad called as the weather in England was awful and he was worried about me. For once, I had it good.

Racing a yacht

I had to walk about 5 miles to get to Fort Augustus which was a little bit more than I’d have hoped but not terrible. I didn’t mess around too much, despite some cafes being open, because I wanted to make best use of the day light.

I used the toilets, put in a contact lens, bought some supplies, and then headed out of the town and onto the Caledonian Canal. This was the first time onto the canal for this trip, excluding the 100 yards spent on in whilst leaving Inverness.

I was happy to be on the canal. It’s nice and simple to walk, hard to make any mistakes, and I found it quite comforting. I’m not sure if that’s because I’ve holidayed here previously, or that it’s just sheltered and I know where it’s going.

There was a sailing boat in the staircase lock at Fort Augustus which was just moving into the top lock as I walked past. I was surprised to see anyone using the locks so out of season but I suppose people can transit all year round.

As I walked along the canal a car drove down and past me. I didn’t realise until I got to the next lock, a mile or so alone, that it was the lock crew that had been operating the staircase lock at Fort Augustus.

They prepared the lock for the sailing boat that arrived there at roughly the same time I did. I walked past.

Then the same thing happened again. Lock crew goes past me, gets lock ready, sailing boat enters lock as I walk past. I thought it was funny that was going at about the same speed as the boat – although admittedly I didn’t have to use the locks.

I spoke to the man operating the lock about how it worked over winter. He said they’re in a ‘maintenance’ phase so the locks aren’t manned, but they do let boats through by request. He said they were going to now operate two swing bridges and then Laggon lock, and then the boat was in someone else’s area so not his problem. I thought that was funny. I did like how they travelled along with the boat to get it through. If I’d been slightly faster I could have done it for them.

I lost the race in the end. The boat was moored at Laggan Locks, and then when I was walking beside Loch Lochy it overtook me. I think I kept in honest though.

New path

There were lots of false alarms when it came to paths today. More than once I thought I was on a different path, when in fact I’d been on it before.

But there was definitely one new one.

The last time I walked the Great Glen Way this part of the path was closed due to forestry work. I was really glad it was open now though as, being lazy, it was an easier route, and also because it was nice to do something different.

The path went from Aberchalder and Laggan Swing Bridge. I think it used to be a railway line and there is a small museum along the way. Some volunteers were there in boiler suits tinkering with some of the exhibits. I don’t think it was open though.

It made me think of a programme I watched once with my children where a team were trying to make a model railway that would go from Fort William to Inverness. Now I’ve walked it, I’m more impressed by what they achieved. It was only temporary but looked a lot of fun.

I see mountains

I really should have stopped for a rest but I was trying to make the best use of the remaining sunlight. And the good weather. So I walked through Laggan Locks and then onto the path beside Loch Lochy.

This path goes quite high and away from the original route initially because of some battery experiment. The diversion feels quite permanent to me but it’s ok and soon I had views over Loch Lochy and onto some mountains – one of which I think is Ben Nevis. The sun was in my eyes for much of the time but it nicely lit up the mountains.

I had a camping spot in mind from my previous trip so was quite relaxed. When I know where I’m going and what I’m doing I’m a lot less anxious. Although, as it got later and the wind picked up I did start to worry a little bit.

Luckily, when I got to the spot, about 15 miles short of Fort William, I saw I could pitch my tent behind a bush which has protected me from the worst of the wind. It’s quite noisy in the tent from the waves of the loch and the wind in the trees, but the tent is barely moving. It was initially very cold but I think it may have warmed to above zero now.

Tomorrow is looking cold and windy so that could be interesting. Although hopefully dry. I don’t mind the cold as much as wind and rain, but I don’t get to pick. I can see a lot of snow on the mountains. I do like a bit of snow but I do hope it doesn’t affect my walk on the West Highland Way.